The ACME Ladder Corporation recognized their oldest employee Oscar Stephenson’s 43 years of service and his retirement to become official at the close of business with a retirement party.

After several speakers including the corporation’s president, his immediate supervisor and his only child, son Charley.

Oscar Stephenson stood up and limped to the podium to give the following speech.

When I woke this morning, I realized I would retire at the close of business today, at 5:00 pm. I jumped out of bed for joy fracturing my right toe when I landed.

I began working here during my junior and senior year of high school before ACME bought the company, so, yes I have worked here for 45-years.

I started working in the mailroom, climbing the corporate ladder to lead & manage corporate security. I have experienced 7-corporate presidents, 15- direct supervisors, 3-wives, two affairs, and one child.

I had survived testicular cancer, suffered the passing of 3-gallstones the size of a quarter, two ulcers, and a fractured right toe from this morning.

It is now 5:01 pm as I stand here and look out among the hundreds of people who came to help me celebrate my retirement. I want to say thank you all for coming.

Now take this job and shove it.

Oscar pushes over the podium and limps off the stage, to a generous thunderous applause!

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